Yielded to Burn

One day whilst I was in deep worship , I went into a vision.   I saw in my belly a fire .. It wasn’t so much flames but deep burning coals like a furnace.  As I gazed upon them in wonder I could hear the sound of air blowing in and out and could see the reaction of the coals. I saw a bellow and it was creating the air,the life. It caused me to lament and mourn .  It felt as if I was in labour and something was being processed.  As it intensified I cried out to God and told him I was willing to surrender to the process. He then responded with 2 words … that were personal confirmation to me. I didn’t understand my vision.. but was sure he would reveal it.

In the following few weeks somethings began to shake in my life… A situation arose that caused me grief and emotional pain. My whole adult life I have avoided emotional pain. Im a runner….  have always run away, buried, or turned cold whenever conflict of any kind came my way. It’s been easy to turn off my feelings and just not care anymore. This was my survival  plan.   But this time I just knew it was time to grow up and face my anxiety and rejection issues. So I began to seek God with all my heart . One day as I was meditating on my floor, my body began to breathe hard out breathes, in and out ,in and out… with each breath I could see memories of situations as a child where I’d felt abandoned and not belonging. It was my deepest temptation to just open my eyes and stop it …  It was not pleasant. But instead I surrendered… with each breath I allowed the Holy Spirit to search my deepest being and reveal the root causes of my self protection. The coals glowed hotter than ever as they burned away the pain inside for the first time in my life. Im not fully there yet… inner healing doesn’t happen over night. But as each twinge arises ,when my mind returns to default  I stop and breathe deep. I allow the Holyspirit to spirit to refine my heart, to purify it from these wounds that I carried too long. I give myself the opportunity to feel and forgive and allow the wounds to be cauterised so they hold no power over me anymore. I will tell you this truth. Where these areas are healing…are the areas that will one day be my greatest strength. Those two words he spoke over me, were impossible for me to embody unless I surrendered to the furnace of purification. Breathe deep and know that he is good.